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Old 09-06-2011, 11:58 AM   #826
odiseo77
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Hello people. I'm writing a supporting statement for a job application and I would like to know if the following sentence is correct:

Quote:
The experience I have gained through the years equips me with the skills necessary to successfully accomplish such an important task as teaching.
Particularly, I am concerned about the part in red. Is it grammatically correct in English? If not, in which other way I could say that? (meaning something like "a task of the importance teaching has")

Thanks in advance.

Last edited by odiseo77; 09-06-2011 at 12:06 PM.
 
Old 09-06-2011, 12:30 PM   #827
SL00b
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Gramatically, the sentence is correct.

I'd question the style, though. It seems a bit grandiouse to me. This is just my opinion, but I think such statements cause a hiring manager to cringe. Direct and to the point serves better.

Besides, experience teaches you the material, but it doesn't teach you to be a teacher. There is a unique skill set required to teach.
 
Old 09-06-2011, 12:50 PM   #828
odiseo77
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Thanks SL00b, I get your point about the sentence being grandiouse. Maybe I should change it to something more discreet and "to the point", as you suggested (on the other hand, some of the supporting statements and cover letters examples I've read tend to be a bit pompous ).

Regards, and thanks again.

Last edited by odiseo77; 09-06-2011 at 12:52 PM.
 
Old 09-06-2011, 01:28 PM   #829
SigTerm
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Is everything "ok" with this phrase?:
Quote:
"It's been a pleasure doing business with you"
 
Old 09-06-2011, 03:01 PM   #830
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SigTerm View Post
Is everything "ok" with this phrase?:
Yep.
 
Old 09-06-2011, 03:03 PM   #831
SL00b
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Quote:
Originally Posted by odiseo77 View Post
Thanks SL00b, I get your point about the sentence being grandiouse. Maybe I should change it to something more discreet and "to the point", as you suggested (on the other hand, some of the supporting statements and cover letters examples I've read tend to be a bit pompous ).

Regards, and thanks again.
There seems to be a disagreement as to whether a cover letter is even needed or wanted anymore. I can't say that I've ever used one successfully.
 
Old 09-13-2011, 12:53 AM   #832
chrism01
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Re posts #827,828: I think you meant http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/grandiose

Re cover Letters: for a direct application to a company, a Cover Letter allows you to express stuff that maybe doesn't fit well into the more formal structure of a CV eg personally my CV is a work CV, anything I do at out of work eg at home or say charity work that may be relevant goes into the letter.
You can also say why you want to work for them etc.
 
Old 09-13-2011, 09:42 AM   #833
odiseo77
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chrism01 View Post
Re posts #827,828: I think you meant http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/grandiose

Re cover Letters: for a direct application to a company, a Cover Letter allows you to express stuff that maybe doesn't fit well into the more formal structure of a CV eg personally my CV is a work CV, anything I do at out of work eg at home or say charity work that may be relevant goes into the letter.
You can also say why you want to work for them etc.
Thanks for the suggestion, I'll keep it in mind for the next time (I already sent the application some days ago, let's see how it goes).
 
Old 09-16-2011, 10:24 AM   #834
catkin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by odiseo77 View Post
I would like to know if the following sentence is correct:

Quote:
The experience I have gained through the years equips me with the skills necessary to successfully accomplish such an important task as teaching.

Particularly, I am concerned about the part in red. Is it grammatically correct in English? If not, in which other way I could say that?
AFAIK it is grammatically correct but it does not say what I think you want it to say.

The problem is "such". "such an important task as teaching" means "a task as important as teaching" so the sentence means that you are skilled to do an unspecified task which is as important as teaching. I think you wanted to say you are skilled to teach, an important task.

I agree with SL00b that the style is grandiose (incidentally not grandiouse). Regards "The experience I have gained through the years", the "I have" is not necessary -- we know you are writing about your own experience, not somebody else's -- and experience is necessarily gained over time so the "through the years" is over-egging the cake. Similarly "successfully accomplish" is not necessary unless the reader might otherwise reasonably think you would "abysmally fail" at teaching! Perhaps yo want to emphasise the point in which case a simple "well" would be more natural.

Which leaves what? Something like "My experience gives skills to teach well."
 
Old 09-16-2011, 12:33 PM   #835
odiseo77
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Thanks for the suggestions and corrections, catkin; much appreciated

Quote:
Originally Posted by catkin View Post
AFAIK it is grammatically correct but it does not say what I think you want it to say.

The problem is "such". "such an important task as teaching" means "a task as important as teaching" so the sentence means that you are skilled to do an unspecified task which is as important as teaching. I think you wanted to say you are skilled to teach, an important task.
I get it, it's a subtle detail but can change the meaning of the sentence... maybe I was thinking in Spanish and writing in English when I wrote that.

Quote:
I agree with SL00b that the style is grandiose (incidentally not grandiouse). Regards "The experience I have gained through the years", the "I have" is not necessary -- we know you are writing about your own experience, not somebody else's -- and experience is necessarily gained over time so the "through the years" is over-egging the cake. Similarly "successfully accomplish" is not necessary unless the reader might otherwise reasonably think you would "abysmally fail" at teaching! Perhaps yo want to emphasise the point in which case a simple "well" would be more natural.

Which leaves what? Something like "My experience gives skills to teach well."
As for the style, I was probably trying to sound formal. It's hard for me to differentiate a formal style from a pompous one in English (although I admit talking about the importance of teaching is grandiose... I guess I was running out of ideas about what to put at the end of the statement, I just hope the rest of it hasn't been grandiose too ).

Regards and thanks again.
 
Old 09-16-2011, 12:45 PM   #836
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catkin View Post
Which leaves what? Something like "My experience gives skills to teach well."
Eww. If the previous style was too grandiose (spelled right, this time), this one has the opposite problem. It makes the writer sound like a monosyllabic neanderthal.

Here's a suggestion that's brief, direct, understated, but impressive... all the things I think a resume should be:

"My extensive experience would provide additional value to my students."
 
Old 09-16-2011, 01:49 PM   #837
brianL
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What's wrong with:
I'm confident that my experience, which is extensive, will make me a good teacher.
?
 
Old 09-16-2011, 02:13 PM   #838
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Quote:
I'm confident that my experience, which is extensive, will make me a good teacher.
Let's condense that a bit further ():

Quote:
I'm confident that my extensive experience will make me a good teacher.
 
Old 09-16-2011, 02:19 PM   #839
TheIndependentAquarius
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Mr.Code,

I always write it the way Brian has shown, thinking it
is the most correct way! Why exactly do you think that's
wrong? Is there some rule on the basis of which commas
are supposed to be placed?

In fact I am finding Brian's statement more easier to
read, perhaps because I write it that way myself!

Last edited by TheIndependentAquarius; 09-16-2011 at 02:24 PM.
 
Old 09-16-2011, 02:30 PM   #840
MrCode
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Quote:
Mr.Code,

I always write it the way Brian has shown, thinking it
is the most correct way! Why exactly do you think that's
wrong?
I don't think it's really "wrong" per se, I just thought I'd offer a slightly more "compact" version of that sentence.

I suppose which one is more correct would depend somewhat on context. :-\
 
  


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