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Mr. Alex 08-31-2013 01:22 AM

Not caring what others think of you
 
Is it true that if you don't care what others think of you, they'll think of you better and will have better attitude towards you; whereas if you really try to make other people like you (not by pleasing them but just by trying to behave "cool", "normal", "comfortable"), they'll see it and it will make you less desirable amongst them? They will be disgusted by this behaviour.

I'm a bit awkward man and often have different absurdities going on with me and I wonder if I should care about it or not for saving others' attitude towards me.

basica 08-31-2013 02:15 AM

If you be yourself, you'll eventually find people who accept you for who you are; quirks and all. Don't worry about trying to act anything other than what is normal for you because it'll only work out worse for you in the end.

H_TeXMeX_H 08-31-2013 03:21 AM

I don't care what others think of me. However, it's best not to step on their toes. So, although I adjust my attitude accordingly, I do not try to act just to please them ... unless I'm at an interview or something, in which case I do care what they think of me, at least for the duration of the interview.

kooru 08-31-2013 04:20 AM

Not deceive ourself. People tends to have bad opinion of all. When the opinion is good, it will be only temporary.

Arcane 08-31-2013 04:30 AM

Bunch of nonsense! While it is true that you shouldn't care much about what others think otherwise you might quickly become insane - you still need to pay attention to events around you othwerwise you won't fit in, might miss something usefull and fall victim(oh it is perfect condition when victim doesn't suspect anything and receives cold news..) of others machinations(trust me i know - i also fell for this(almost) because of my good-hearted nature)..so it's not really 1:0 but rather 60:40. ;)
Quote:

Originally Posted by basica (Post 5019233)
If you be yourself, you'll eventually find people who accept you for who you are; quirks and all. Don't worry about trying to act anything other than what is normal for you because it'll only work out worse for you in the end.

Easier said than done..especially if you are alone against group(s).. :( But we should still strive for it or die trying! :)

k3lt01 08-31-2013 05:33 AM

Be who you are and be proud of who you are. Afterall you are the only one of you. I'd suggest you don't "play up to" people, meaning don't act differently just so they would like you, because it is a shallow thing to do. I've been a loner most of my life and that suits me fine, I interact with many people in daily life, kids, adults, employers, parents, colleagues (in any line of work), etc etc etc on a one to one, many to one, or one to many basis and what people see of me, in person, is what I am.

In cyber communities things are different because it is very difficult to convey the real you, people have biases and the anonymity of cyber communities seems to heighten those biases. An innocent sentence can be construed many ways simply because emotions cannot, even with emoticons, be conveyed very well.

273 08-31-2013 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5019271)
Easier said than done..especially if you are alone against group(s).. :( But we should still strive for it or die trying! :)

Unless you're at school (in which case, yes, kids are unreasonable and cruel to each other) you should never be in a situation where you are against anyone. Unless you are talking about civil war or other such situations an adult should never be in a situation where they are "against" anyone.
I, too, am a loner and don't do many social things but I find that just doing my job at work and just being polite in public mean that people are generally easy to get along with. I actually have a tendency to paranoia but I have grown to learn that people, generally, have better things to do than be "out to get me" and whilst it is true that some try to prey on the naive being a nice person and being yourself is not the same as being naive and having a healthy scepticism towards the motives of others doesn't mean one has to be anything but polite, respectful and honest.

H_TeXMeX_H 08-31-2013 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 273 (Post 5019288)
I, too, am a loner and don't do many social things but I find that just doing my job at work and just being polite in public mean that people are generally easy to get along with. I actually have a tendency to paranoia but I have grown to learn that people, generally, have better things to do than be "out to get me" and whilst it is true that some try to prey on the naive being a nice person and being yourself is not the same as being naive and having a healthy scepticism towards the motives of others doesn't mean one has to be anything but polite, respectful and honest.

I agree, that's my stance as well. Do your work, be polite, don't step on people's toes and everyone should get along just fine. There are definitely people who want to scam you or get you into trouble, so skepticism is mandatory.

273 08-31-2013 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by H_TeXMeX_H (Post 5019291)
I agree, that's my stance as well. Do your work, be polite, don't step on people's toes and everyone should get along just fine. There are definitely people who want to scam you or get you into trouble, so skepticism is mandatory.

I have found becoming older has tended to help -- both in improving my attitude and improving the default behaviour of others. Always having looked young for my age I find it a blessing to be enough over 30 that people know it.
Perhaps having to be self-concious is a curse of the young?
Edit: I just realised that is nonsense. A few of my colleagues are barely out of school but they behave in a non-self-conscious manner and whilst I don't know whether they have any teenage angst they certainly come across as both professional and personable.

Arcane 08-31-2013 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 273 (Post 5019288)
Unless you're at school (in which case, yes, kids are unreasonable and cruel to each other) you should never be in a situation where you are against anyone. Unless you are talking about civil war or other such situations an adult should never be in a situation where they are "against" anyone.{...}

Don't be clueless. Bullying doesn't stop at schools - it continues even after school
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAgg32weT80
I guess until you put bully in place or force-ignore-make-him-not-waste-time-on-you-anymore stuff like that it won't stop!

273 08-31-2013 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcane (Post 5019324)
Don't be clueless. Bullying doesn't stop at schools - it continues even after school
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAgg32weT80
I guess until you put bully in place or force-ignore-make-him-not-waste-time-on-you-anymore stuff like that it won't stop!

Workplace bullying is rare and costs only a small amount of money to counter. Record what happens, go to a bulldog lawyer. Or, if you're sufficiently qualified or have the funds just leave.
I have worked in, and seen, many different styles of workplace and I would say it's a very rare workplace that has a complicit HR department and sufficient funds to go against a pro-bono lawyer with a tape (or email or other records) of bullying behaviour.

273 08-31-2013 07:46 AM

I'll post this separately in case of replies to my earlier post:
Workplace bullying isn't really relevant to whether you should be yourself or not -- it's a case of somebody abusing you and they would do that no matter how you comported yourself.
Be yourself, be nice, kind, helpful, cooperative in all you do. Keep a loaded gun [metaphorically if you're in the UK like me, I'd use a lawyer instead] to deal with those who try to prey upon you -- but only use it when people prey upon you and do it with precision.

baldy3105 08-31-2013 09:02 AM

Like so many things in life there is not really a yes/no answer. It's a threshold problem. Most people, unless they are psycopaths, modify their behaviour and their persona in order to smooth their path through their social interactions. You may feel you aren't very good at this, but the very act of declaring it problematic means you understand the need and are making the attempt.

If you don't care at all what ANYONE thinks of you, you are moving though sociopathy towards psycopathy. If you care what anyone and everyone thinks of you you are going to end up insane.

There is a balance that you need to find for yourself in the middle somewhere.

For me, I care about what my family thinks, then my friends, then my collegues, i.e. people whose judgements I have chosen to regard as important. As for anyone else, my experince is that people are mostly good and deserve to be treated as such until they demonstrate otherwise. I'll go so far to fit around other people but no further. If my efforts are not reciprocated then people rapid find me digging my heels in.

That is really only a judgement you can make for yourself, but ultimately we evolved as social creatures and our tendancy is to co-operate with our social groups and modifying your behavour is just one way of acheiving this.

Mr. Alex 08-31-2013 10:20 AM

Few days ago I got some eye-infection which made my eyes inflamed and sorta red and teary, like I either cry or cried a minute ago. And I was at work with other people. What does one do in this situation? I tried not to look at people's eyes, but I saw that some noticed this about my face... Man that was embarassing!

273 08-31-2013 10:25 AM

Just let them know -- everyone gets that kind of infection.


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