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Old 03-06-2013, 05:09 PM   #16
Jeebizz
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This is the funniest thing I've seen all day
 
Old 03-06-2013, 05:45 PM   #17
stringchopper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dugan View Post
And way after all of those: "man bash"
but that's not the end of it... just

Code:
man renice
and then
Code:
man dialog
Careful though... too much talking and others say:
"why does..."
Code:
man yacc
?

Then one can start to doubt himself:
Code:
man whoami
 
Old 03-06-2013, 05:55 PM   #18
w1k0
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To solve all your problems:

99. man kill
 
Old 03-06-2013, 08:49 PM   #19
w1k0
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true history

Inspired by my previous post and by the entire thread I wrote a short story:

Code:
true history
select local && select man ; \
if man look nice bash man head ; \
continue until man head open; \
locate cat ; trap cat ; break cat tail ; \
make (man && cat) free ; kill man ; kill cat ; \
watch time ; \
expect users which declare help man ; kill users ; \
write false file ; clear local ; exit local ; \
sleep $HOME while units open case ; units ! find $USER ; \
sleep nice ; wait ; join kill groups ; \
return local more times ; \
kill more users ;
I managed to use in my “true history” 44 words from among 86 in the dictionary:

Quote:
alias apropos bash break case cat clear continue date declare dig do done echo eject enable exit expect expand export false file find fold for format free function groups hash head help history if import in install jobs join kill less let local locate look make man more mount nice open paste ping ram read rename return screen select set shift sleep sort source split sum suspend tail tar tee test time times touch top trap true type units until users wait watch which while who write yes
I hope the dictionary is complete though I’m not sure. I decided to use bash commands only and I avoided non-English words such as “hostname”, “killall”, or “readonly”, or the file names such as “words”. So I couldn’t use the command “die” from Perl writing about the victim’s alleged suicide note (after “write false file ; ”):

Code:
type words (man (done jobs && declare die)) ;
Maybe someone else will manage to write better “true history” or to use in his/her story more words from the dictionary. I wrote a thriller. Maybe someone else will write a romance?

And be cautious. “$USER” is one of “users”. Sometimes the only one.
 
Old 03-06-2013, 09:02 PM   #20
w1k0
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By the way: it would be nice to read about some woman in a romance. So to introduce “woman” in your story use at the beginning the command:

Code:
alias woman="! man"
 
Old 03-06-2013, 10:02 PM   #21
stringchopper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by w1k0 View Post
By the way: it would be nice to read about some woman in a romance. So to introduce “woman” in your story use at the beginning the command:

Code:
alias woman="! man"
so now we've got a working woman... or a woman to work with. Thanks
 
Old 03-06-2013, 10:09 PM   #22
stringchopper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by w1k0 View Post
Inspired by my previous post and by the entire thread I wrote a short story:

Code:
true history
select local && select man ; \
if man look nice bash man head ; \
continue until man head open; \
locate cat ; trap cat ; break cat tail ; \
make (man && cat) free ; kill man ; kill cat ; \
watch time ; \
expect users which declare help man ; kill users ; \
write false file ; clear local ; exit local ; \
sleep $HOME while units open case ; units ! find $USER ; \
sleep nice ; wait ; join kill groups ; \
return local more times ; \
kill more users ;
Well done! I had a similar thought today - reading these posts and kept thinking of story-lines. I even had a great working title, though a bit philosophical:

Code:
whatis man
 
Old 03-06-2013, 10:59 PM   #23
w1k0
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stringchopper,

Very nice thread. I laughed a lot today thanks to you and the other posters (including shivaa). Thank you guys and gals very much.

My logic isn’t perfect. “! man” is everything that isn’t man (including woman). But most of the world and most of the stories aren’t logical as well so such a definition is sufficient in my humble opinion.

We know now the answer to your fundamental question: “whatis man”. It’s simple: “man=$(! woman)”. In the other words “man=$(! ! man)”.

***

Here’s more comprehensive dictionary for the storytellers:

Quote:
a accept access addresses apropos apt ar arch as at
b banner bash batch bc biff bison break
c cal case cat cc clear col column compress continue cut
d date declare dig disable do done dump
e echo eject enable ex exit expand expect export
f factor false file find finger flex fold for format free function
g groups
h halt hash head help history host
i id if import in info install
j jobs join
k kill
l last less let link local locale locate logger look
m mail make man merge more mount
n nice
o open
p paste patch ping pinky ps python
q quota
r ram read reject rename reset restore return route routed rpm
s screen script select sensors set shift shred shutdown size skill sleep sort source split strings strip sum suspend
t tail talk tar tee test time times top touch trap true type
u units until users
v vi
w w wait wall watch which while who write
y yes
Here are the auxiliary definitions for the writers of the fashionable stories about the young wizards or the young vampires:

Code:
woman=$(! man)
boy=$(echo 'man / 2' | bc)
girl=$(echo '$woman / 2' | bc)
I consider that type of the definitions more precise than aliases which I suggested before because it’s easy to recognize in the code of the story the derivative concepts such as $woman, $boy, or $girl.

Appeal to the writers of the fashionable stories: invent yourself the definitions of “witchcraft” and “vampirism”. You earn enough without my help.
 
Old 03-07-2013, 12:07 AM   #24
odiseo77
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OP, maybe you should try checking man's manual:

Code:
man man
 
Old 03-07-2013, 12:11 AM   #25
w1k0
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Ouch!

By mistake I used single quotes in that definition:

Code:
girl=$(echo '$woman / 2' | bc)
Such a $girl causes syntax error in the code of your story because she’s empty (more precisely: she’s one half of an empty $woman). If you don’t want to write about some empty $girl use double quotes in the definition:


Code:
girl=$(echo "$woman / 2" | bc)
So remember always to debug your stories before the publication.
 
Old 03-07-2013, 12:34 AM   #26
shivaa
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Ooopss!! I might took this post little seriously...

I take my reply back...

Code:
~$ man untouch
 
Old 03-07-2013, 12:34 AM   #27
w1k0
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odiseo77,

You made me think of the day when I installed Linux for the first time.

After the installation I restarted the machine, the system ran, an I spotted the prompt with a blinking cursor:

Code:
login:
I stared at it for a while wondering what should I do now.

Finally I recalled that the installer asked me about the password for some “root”.

So I typed “root” and pressed Enter.

As you can guess the system displayed the next prompt:

Code:
Password:
I typed my password, pressed Enter, and I was in Linux for the first time.

Someone told me a bit about Linux before so at the beginning I tried the command:

Code:
man man
Then I started to read.

And the evening and the morning were the first day.

***

The next day I was very proud because I compiled the Linux kernel for the first time and it worked with my machine as a charm.

And the evening and the morning were the second day.

***

Don’t ask me what I did the seventh day. I can’t remember that.
 
Old 03-07-2013, 12:40 AM   #28
w1k0
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shivaa,

Touché!

(And untouché at the same time.)

***

As I see I’m not the only one who reads funny threads instead of go to sleep.
 
Old 03-07-2013, 01:55 AM   #29
w1k0
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Quote:
Originally Posted by odiseo77 View Post
OP, maybe you should try checking man's manual:

Code:
man man
Interesting reading indeed though I’m not sure whether I understand that right...

Code:
It is possible to make man suid to a user man.
Code:
No cat pages are saved when the required cat directory does not exist.
Code:
By default, man will exit after displaying the first manual page it finds.
Code:
Specify which pager to use.
Code:
Separate the directories with colons.
Assuming that “suid” is an abbreviated form of the word “suicide” it seems that:

Man can commit a suicide because of the other man which uses him. Man’s cat destroys his required directories until no page is saved from the cat. Man hates the pages so much that he exits by default when he finds some manual made page and he displays it to himself. Man is old-fashioned and uses a few pagers in order to not use the phones and the directories. Before man’s cat will destroy all the directories man separates the directories from himself with his colon and the colons of his friends.

Very gayish story.
 
Old 03-07-2013, 02:54 AM   #30
whizje
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Code:
info woman
File: woman,  Node: Top,  Next: Introduction,  Prev: (dir),  Up: (dir)

WoMan: Browse Unix Manual Pages "W.O. (without) Man"
****************************************************

     Software Version 0.54 (beta)
     Manual Last Updated Time-stamp: <Thu 24-Jun-2010 00:06:54 gm on grasmoor>

     Francis J. Wright <F.J.Wright@qmw.ac.uk>
     School of Mathematical Sciences (http://centaur.maths.qmw.ac.uk/)
     Queen Mary and Westfield College (University of London)
     Mile End Road, London E1 4NS, UK

This file documents WoMan: A program to browse Unix manual pages `W.O.
(without) man'.
 
  


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