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This is the first "blog" of any kind I've ever had, so it's probably not the greatest...

Just a little snippet about me:

I'd like to consider myself relatively tech-savvy; obviously I use Linux (Arch to be precise; K.I.S.S. FTW), and I enjoy learning new things about computers in general (both software and hardware-related).

This blog is mostly just for whenever I feel like telling the world about my experiences with computers/Linux (or just life in general), or just posting for the hell of it.
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There is just too much out there, I believe...

Posted 09-05-2010 at 11:07 AM by MrCode
Updated 12-28-2010 at 08:24 PM by MrCode
Tags rant

I just got through reading a bunch of quotes from the fortune collection. Specifically, the results of fortune off/atheism.

...all I have to say is that it's too much. So many differing perspectives with only one thing in common: a lack of belief in a higher power (a "God", if you will). This isn't to say that I believe in a "God", as it were, but I'd like to think that there's some kind of meaning to life other than some hypothetical equation that explains all of existence (the "Theory of Everything", if you will). For it to be otherwise depresses me to no end. What that meaning is, I don't claim to know, nor do I claim I have the means to know, but I do know that what I've read on the subject of it is quite an eyeful for one day.

(Cue responses along the lines of "you should observe why you have a negative emotional reaction to the notion of a lack of 'higher meaning'; think about it rationally")

If there are representations of so many differing opinions that lie within just a few kilobytes of hard disk space, I can only imagine what the contents of the whole world's opinions must be like.

Put simply, I've just become afraid of philosophy, religion, and yes, even science. I just can't stand the arguing anymore...I'm confused enough as it is, and all these differing views only add to it. I'm atheist, but at the same time can't emotionally accept the notion of a meaningless, indifferent universe. Call me dumb, irrational, crazy, mentally ill, "not really atheist" (because I still want to believe in something transcending physical reality), whatever...it's the way I am.

Recently I've been trying to answer to myself the question "why does the notion of the universe being a meaningless, indifferent, predetermined chain of cause and effect cause me such emotional grief and pain?". I can't seem to come up with an answer. Psychologists would probably tell me I can't find an answer because I'm the one asking the question, and therefore I can't know the answer. In other words, I'm the one having the problem, and therefore I can't solve it on my own, because the problem is also in my own thought processes about the problem. This of course makes the argument for the deterministic, meaningless universe more credible in my mind (rationally speaking; emotionally it just creates more pain and frustration). The idea of taking a prescribed medication also makes it more conclusive. Not only that, but I also have other reasons for being skeptical about taking psychiatric drugs, but that's another matter which I won't get into here.

I hate the notion of there being no meaning to existence, and that everything is predetermined (doctrine of cause and effect), but I feel rationally compelled to believe in such emotionally horrifying things, as they seem to be verifiable truths. You can't prove that God exists (the argument that you can't disprove God exists either is rather moot, because then you would have to be open-minded about everything, which is simply not possible), and modern psychology and neuroscience have apparently beaten the idea of "free will" to its rational death.

Objectively speaking, we're all nothing more than particles arranged in a structured manner, behaving according to a set of deterministic equations that cannot be changed or violated in any way. Subjectively speaking, we think we have some kind of "control" over our existence, and that there is some kind of greater "meaning" to what we do in our lives. The only reason we believe these things is because we were predisposed to; it was necessary for our survival. But then, why did we need to survive? Isn't "survival" meaningless after all?

Anyways, basically what I have to say about it all now is this: I'll probably live an eternally depressed life, because I can't bring myself to emotionally accept the truth of the meaninglessness, indifference, and ultimate determnism of the universe, and yet I am rationally obligated to believe these truths. That, and I am also rationally obligated to drop a whole host of other hopes and dreams I once had, because of their complete and utter impossibility (physical, ontological, physiological...I won't get into that one), but again, I can't emotionally bring myself to accept them as irrelevant and meaningless. I also don't like the notion of taking medication for precisely the reasons above. It's a closed loop: I hate the true nature of the universe, but am forced to accept it, yet I don't want to take any medications to help calm that hatred because it proves the whole thing more true in the first place, making the problem worse.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    LOL.
    DOUBLE LOL. TRIPLE LOL. MULTI LOL.
    MEGA LOL! ULTRA LOL!! MONSTER LOL!!!
    L U D I C R O U S L O L!
    this guy just won't listen... stop spamming here, you know? it's not funny, it is pointless. It is pointless to read and write. You were already given many useful answers, including mine but you still won't see that. So that's where LUDICROUS ROFL starts. So many letters 4 what?
    Quote:
    I hate the true nature of the universe, but am forced to accept it
    No one is forced to accept windowz EULA, you can choose Linux or write your own OS. Any difference? NO!!!!!!

    Quote:
    I hate the true nature of the universe
    And by the way... how can you, such A SMALL STRUCTURE, hate THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE when you haven't seen ANYTHING BEYOND YOUR DAMNED MONITOR, UH???!!! YOU DONT KNOW ANY OF THESE RULES, YOU KNOW!!! Even seen sky? Ever seen green grass BEYOND YOUR DAMNED SCREEN? Or are you living in some Mountain of Doom where there is nothing alive out there for hundreds of miles? Oh yes I believe that.

    And yet, that's just a tiny part of earth which is a tiny part of our galaxy which is a tiny part of a universe

    FINAL LOL. DOUBLE FINAL LOL. no i won't fix this
    TRIPLE FINAL LOL. i said i won't fix this
    MULTI FINAL LOL. i really won't edit.
    MEGA FINAL LOL! these are my last words.
    ULTRA FINAL LOL!! this is going to be one of best answers given!
    MONSTER FINAL LOL!!! i love this text!
    L U D I C R O U S L O L ! ! ! commited kernel patch.
    Posted 09-06-2010 at 04:26 AM by Web31337 Web31337 is offline
    Updated 09-06-2010 at 04:27 AM by Web31337
  2. Old Comment
    Quote:
    stop spamming here, you know? it's not funny, it is pointless.
    It's not supposed to be "funny". But then again, I suppose you already caught onto that...

    *sigh* You know what, fine. If I have an urge to post something like this again, I'll hold back. Somehow I figured someone would come in with a comment along the lines of "quit spamming the blogs".

    I just thought this would be a viable outlet, considering that I didn't want to clog up the actual discussion forums with my philosophical "blabber" (I've been guilty of this before), nor am I comfortable putting it on something like Facebook (I don't post a whole lot there anyway).

    Quote:
    No one is forced to accept windowz EULA, you can choose Linux or write your own OS. Any difference? NO!!!!!!
    You can't "rewrite" the laws of nature. If you're subscribing to something else, you're deluding yourself (or so people would tell me ).

    Quote:
    And by the way... how can you, such A SMALL STRUCTURE, hate THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE when you haven't seen ANYTHING BEYOND YOUR DAMNED MONITOR, UH???!!! YOU DONT KNOW ANY OF THESE RULES, YOU KNOW!!! Even seen sky? Ever seen green grass BEYOND YOUR DAMNED SCREEN? Or are you living in some Mountain of Doom where there is nothing alive out there for hundreds of miles? Oh yes I believe that.
    I'm not exactly the social type, but it's not like I'm a complete and total hideaway...in all, that was rather insulting.

    I've got half a mind to report you, but I won't. While your method of delivery wasn't exactly polite, the point you're trying to make does seem to stand perfectly clear:

    "Get a life, take some time off from 'pondering the universe' for a while, and just *be happy*"

    Was I right? Well, that's basically the problem I'm having: I'm torn between whether I want to live in happy ignorance, or in miserable truth (the truth being more objectively useful, the ignorance being more personally satisfying). I take it you're just telling me to "pick a side and move on", right? It's not as easy as it sounds when the notion that "you" don't exist in an absolute sense (that only matter *really* exists) is constantly on your mind.

    Quote:
    FINAL LOL. DOUBLE FINAL LOL. no i won't fix this
    TRIPLE FINAL LOL. i said i won't fix this
    MULTI FINAL LOL. i really won't edit.
    MEGA FINAL LOL! these are my last words.
    ULTRA FINAL LOL!! this is going to be one of best answers given!
    MONSTER FINAL LOL!!! i love this text!
    L U D I C R O U S L O L ! ! ! commited kernel patch.
    Laugh all you want, it's not gonna make me feel any better, nor is it going to make you look any better.

    EDIT: If it makes you feel any better, I have that page you linked me to on your(?) site bookmarked (although it's down ATM; server takes too long to reply). It helped a little.
    Posted 09-06-2010 at 08:04 AM by MrCode MrCode is offline
    Updated 09-06-2010 at 08:28 AM by MrCode
  3. Old Comment
    Who is that in the quotes that you're arguing with?
    Posted 09-06-2010 at 09:54 AM by brianL brianL is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Who is that in the quotes that you're arguing with?
    ???

    ...oh. I guess you can't see it, because the comment has been set to not show. I didn't do that, though.

    The user I've quoted is Web31337.
    Posted 09-06-2010 at 10:55 AM by MrCode MrCode is offline
    Updated 09-06-2010 at 10:57 AM by MrCode
  5. Old Comment
    Just an update:

    One simple sentence that I read, but is still completely devastating to the idea of "free will" on its own:

    "It is logically impossible for a person to make decisions that he/she doesn't think will benefit them in some way or another."

    Chew on that one and see how y'all like it...

    If you think about it, it's completely true. Even "selfless" decisions are only made for the "feel-good" factor of seeing someone else be happy. So much for free choice...all the decisions really have been laid out for us by the laws of physics.
    Posted 09-08-2010 at 06:04 AM by MrCode MrCode is offline
    Updated 09-08-2010 at 06:06 AM by MrCode
  6. Old Comment
    Why not show my first post? Do you feel I'm wrong somewhere? Yeah methodics is not polite. Polite ones I've posted previously were ignored.

    Quote:
    You can't "rewrite" the laws of nature. If you're subscribing to something else, you're deluding yourself (or so people would tell me ).
    That's just because you haven't seen a bit of it, that's why you refuse. Perhaps you just live in the dark side and you don't want to move because you are always afraid of something. That fear is the source of all your weakness and all your problems and that's what closes you more and more to some epic EOF.
    You have to fight that in yourself.
    Posted 09-08-2010 at 06:35 AM by Web31337 Web31337 is offline
  7. Old Comment
    I'm coming to the conclusion that you actually enjoy being miserable, MrCode. If anybody can prove to me, beyond reasonable doubt, that determinism is true - then I'll believe in it. Until then, since neither option has been proven to be true, I'll choose to believe in free will.
    Posted 09-08-2010 at 10:05 AM by brianL brianL is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Web31337
    Why not show my first post? Do you feel I'm wrong somewhere?
    I thought you did that, not me...not sure how I managed to do it, though. I didn't mean to.

    Quote:
    Perhaps you just live in the dark side and you don't want to move because you are always afraid of something. That fear is the source of all your weakness and all your problems and that's what closes you more and more to some epic EOF.
    This is exactly what other people have been telling me. "Don't let your fears control you", or other similar things.

    Also, I'm not getting the "closes [me] more and more to some epic EOF" analogy...is the "EOF" supposed to be a metaphor for destiny, or a good career or something?

    Quote:
    You have to fight that in yourself.
    I wouldn't be writing blog posts about my angst if I knew how to do this.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by brianL
    I'm coming to the conclusion that you actually enjoy being miserable, MrCode.
    That's what other people tell me, too...

    Quote:
    If anybody can prove to me, beyond reasonable doubt, that determinism is true - then I'll believe in it. Until then, since neither option has been proven to be true, I'll choose to believe in free will.
    I think that's my problem...I'm afraid that someone, somewhere has probably already done that. I guess that's just me and my pessimistic nature, though.

    Well, I guess I should keep a copy of this page on my hard disk for future reference...I never seem to learn from people just telling me verbally (probably selective memory), so keeping a written record of what was said here might help a little more.

    EDIT: @Web31337: I've "approved" your first comment; it's visible now.
    Posted 09-08-2010 at 10:28 AM by MrCode MrCode is offline
    Updated 09-08-2010 at 10:32 AM by MrCode
  9. Old Comment
    Dear MrCode,

    This is the way I see it. Life may not intrinsically have any meaning but you can create meaning for your life.

    I want to keep this simple so that is all I will say. Just think about it.

    Posted 12-24-2010 at 04:52 PM by stress_junkie stress_junkie is offline
 

  



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