This is the first "blog" of any kind I've ever had, so it's probably not the greatest...

Just a little snippet about me:

I'd like to consider myself relatively tech-savvy; obviously I use Linux (Arch to be precise; K.I.S.S. FTW), and I enjoy learning new things about computers in general (both software and hardware-related).

This blog is mostly just for whenever I feel like telling the world about my experiences with computers/Linux (or just life in general), or just posting for the hell of it.

Why must I put up with this sh*t?

Posted 01-28-2011 at 03:17 PM by MrCode
Updated 01-28-2011 at 03:22 PM by MrCode

Tags conspiracy, paranoia, rant, ufos

Yes, this is filed under "Existential Rants", but it's more of a general rant.

UFOs, aliens, "disclosure", gubmint conspiracies, etc...I can't stand it anymore!

My mother is utterly convinced that she's an "integral part" of some "spiritual mission" to "help the planet ascend"...yes...geniunely...no sh*t. On an almost daily basis I have to put up with her talking to friends over the phone about it all. It drives me nuts.

Why, you may ask? I think it's because at one point I used to actually believe it all, too, and she's done such a damn good job of indoctrinating me with all that FUD (or at least what I now think of as FUD) that I'll never be able to *completely* let it go. She drew me into all her spiritual hoo-hah when I was going through a depression (that TBH I don't think I ever really got over), and like a little lemming I ate it up like it was dinner, and that included most of the conspiracy whatnot. At some point down the road (IIRC it was right around when I started those "free will vs. determinism" threads in LQ /General), I took the time to actually think a little harder about many of the things she was trying to convince me of, and I promptly dismissed it all as nonsense.

I'm still locked in this process of trying to dump it all, but of course with all her talk of "disclosure" (in reference to extraterrestrial presence here on Earth), "HAARP" (the idea that there are machines that the "shadow gubmint" uses to control Earth's weather patterns), and "ascension" (a supposed "dimensional transition" of the whole planet), it's become nigh impossible. I honestly don't think she wants me to let it go, because she's so convinced it's the truth that she'd rather either a) try to tell me "what's really going on", or b) give me this attitude of "okay, believe what you want, but it'll happen sooner or later".

Of course, since a small part of me actually does still believe in all this sh*t (mostly the idea of the conspiracies/UFOs, because those are still at least halfway plausible), I end up taking it seriously enough that it gets me nervous and anxious. It definitely takes a toll on my interests in computers/Linux (what with her belief that "there's a spy chip built into every home computer for gubmint monitoring purposes" [where? this is what I'd like to know], amongst other internet/computer-related conspiracies

), and it's even affecting my motivation to search for a fscking job because I keep wondering in the back of my mind if I'm "being drawn further into the illusion/conspiracy/whatever", or something along those lines.

Seriously, I had half a mind to not even post this (or even preview it for that matter; once you hit "preview", the post is sent to LQ's servers to be rendered and sent back, and...possibly "other places", if you're the tin-foil-hat type

).

I'm just starting to try to find my place in the world and I'm already half-convinced that I'm living a lie.

I won't expect much in the way of replies (other than the usual "work up a little more self-confidence" or "why are you letting your mom dictate your thoughts and feelings at 19?"), but maybe a little bit of advice would be appreciated anyway...

Posted in Existential Blabber

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Comments

Hrmm being that this is actually a different topic than the 'free will vs. determinism' I feel I won't break my previous statements by replying. But take into consideration that these are my views and feelings on the matter. They are in no way meant to influence, upset, or combat with your psyche or general well being.

--

Conspiracy or not, I don't feel like it affects my life directly. I haven't seen people disappear, weather seems acceptable, and anybody wanting my personal information can easily find it. Even if all websites were secure connections with https, ISPs would still be logging every URL request from your IP and anybody willing enough could obtain that information. Information is power but too much information and you just become another statistic in a database that nobody ever uses. I'm sure Safeway and Frys both know where I live and how much peanutbutter I buy. They may even speculate that I consume it through interorectogestion. But at this point I don't care. Sony knows how much I play my PS3 and what games I buy. Google knows what I search for. And Facebook knows everything. If I took a crap in a public restroom it has the potential of ending up on YouTube. Even before technology, we never really had privacy. Not like people couldn't find out what books you've checked out, or what strip clubs you frequent, or monitor what food you buy. Who has your information and what are they doing with it? Personally, I've given up. I don't care anymore because I don't see a direct impact in my life. At least if your mom believes she is a part of something bigger and believes she is doing good by bringing the world to ascension, then she improves her outlook on life. Personally, I don't let other people's beliefs dictate my well-being or views on the world.

Then again, when somebody close believes less of you for your beliefs, it can be a bit depressing. But that's their issue, not yours.

--

BTW, the green crying icon skews the readers view on your actual state of mind. My take is that it's supposed to be reserved for comical responses to harmless jives, not actual expression of sadness which your posts sometimes reflect. Cause really, look at it. It's round and green and over expressive. It really is a funny icon.

Posted 01-28-2011 at 08:12 PM by lumak lumak is offline

Quote:

when somebody close believes less of you for your beliefs

Well...I'm not sure I'd say she actually believes less of me (I was in a nasty mood when I wrote this, so I prolly over-exaggerated a little

), but it sometimes seems to me like she's really trying to convince me that what she's talking about is all real. It's not so much that I have a problem with her believing it in the first place, it's that for whatever reason I feel like those beliefs are being pushed on me. She keeps telling me that's just my own perception, though...for all I know, she's probably right.

Quote:

BTW, the green crying icon skews the readers view on your actual state of mind. My take is that it's supposed to be reserved for comical responses to harmless jives, not actual expression of sadness which your posts sometimes reflect.

I know, I probably tend to overuse (and/or misuse) emoticons sometimes. I used "

" because it was what I thought seemed appropriate. But I suppose "

" would have better sufficed...

Anyway, thanks for the response. I guess what it comes down to then is just kinda "toughing it out", i.e. not letting whatever fears I may have over what may/may not actually be going on in the world get to me so much. Easier said than done, but I suppose it's my only real option for now. :( *

EDIT: I'm starting to think maybe (a subconscious) part of my reason for posting this was precisely to get a reponse. I hope I'm not being perceived as a troll...

(* - the blogs only allow four graphical emoticons per comment; this one had to be [noparse]'d. More proof that I need to work on reducing emoticon usage... *sigh*)

Posted 01-28-2011 at 09:29 PM by MrCode MrCode is offline

Updated 01-28-2011 at 09:36 PM by MrCode

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrCode

Well...I'm not sure I'd say she actually believes less of me (I was in a nasty mood when I wrote this, so I prolly over-exaggerated a little

I know, I probably tend to overuse (and/or misuse) emoticons sometimes. I used "

" because it was what I thought seemed appropriate. But I suppose "

I'm *really* sorry that you have to go through all this. My parents are the same way: They *always* force me to give into them and what they want, *not* let me do what I feel is right. They're forcing me to pretend to be someone else, which I'm not. They will revoke anything they can because *they* want *me* to be *them*, and I'm tired of it.

My latest blog entry is a good example of this.

Posted 01-28-2011 at 11:32 PM by Kenny_Strawn Kenny_Strawn is offline

I am so with you bro. I just got done fighting with my mom ABOUT THE SAME &^%$#*& stuff.

Quote:

UFOs, aliens, "disclosure", gubmint conspiracies, etc...I can't stand it anymore!

My Mom thinks that there is an NWO that Obama is going to shoo in and then kill the internet as demons disguised as aliens come down and try to deceive everybody. I am not even joking. She thinks the internet is 100% bad for society. This stuff makes so mad, sad and depressed I just want to die. I can't even have a casual conversation anymore.

They won't listen. My Mom WILL NOT ADMIT SHE IS WRONG. NEVER. She has stated, on SEVERAL occasions, that she is *PERFECT* while simultaneously calling me retarded and taking all sorts of below-the-belt punches about my weight and the fact I dropped out of school. Makes me want to punch a wall. In fact, I have punched a rather large one in my wall a Bob Dylan poster covers up now.

THen OF COURSE, My dad won't even listen to me. No one *really* does. This affects me the most. I want to cry, and this fact alone is the reason I feel like the internet , LQ (and it's members) and other digital stuff is my friend. I betcha RIGHT NOW, someone is reading this consciously AND is actually ATTEMPTING to understand or at least properly PERCEIVE what I am trying to say. I get either fought with or ignored, mostly ignored by my family. I make one mistake and all of the sudden I AM THE CHILD FROM HELL. I can;'t ever let my emotions out because I get made fun of for doing so. This is why I am so emotional on LQ and stuff. I can't ever cry, because then I am not living up to this imagined stereotype of manliness I'm supposed to meet. I can't get mad because then , well I am causing problems and being rude. If I talk about my problems, people turn up their TV and say 'uh-huh' every two seconds until I leave or get mad. If I get mad, it's like 'I can't help you' and if I leave they don't do jack-diddily crap. THIS IS LIKE MY HOME. Right here. I just wanna be me. I want to talk things out and feel like someone loves for who I am instead of meaningless BULL just because I am family.

Sorry for hijacking MrCode, but you ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE. Nor are you CRAZY or WEIRD. (Well, if you are crazy, then I must be completely &^%$%#@ bonkers.)

I mean, it takes a troll on my intrests too. I'm thinking, if the internet is the root of all evil, where else am i supposed to turn? Family? NO CAUSE YALL DONT LISTEN TO ME. I don't even want a job, I feel e less forced to get one, and well I probably will be forced to get one or move out ....

And then of course the Christian stuff. I mean. I dunno. It is so SOUL-TEARING when she does this to me. On one side, I do believe in God and stuff, on the other side, I'm listening to here thinking oh my God, and this highly illogical BS is what I'm supposed to believe?

I've cried so many times and here I go again (in solitude of course, I get the rude cold-shoulder comments from my dad should I do it in his MANLY (whatever that is?) presence).

I'm sorry Mrcode...

Posted 01-29-2011 at 12:36 AM by lupusarcanus lupusarcanus is offline

Updated 01-29-2011 at 12:39 AM by lupusarcanus

	@ whatever reason I feel like those beliefs are being pushed on me. & forcing me to pretend to be someone else, which I'm not. Most parents do this to some degree. Intentionally or not. Its apart of parenting.
	Posted 01-29-2011 at 12:39 AM by lumak

Well lucky for me, my mother has used personal computers and the Internet (when working for AT&T during those 31 years that she actually did -- that is, before 2003) since 1982, so she knows the Internet is harmless. However, some parents are just stuck in the *DEPRECATED* times when everything was "simple" -- too simple. It's from that grudge held by those goddamn conservatives that those myths come out. And it's this conservatism that parents -- especially those from the Cold War era -- seem to believe and seem to embrace.

I bet the Catholic Chruch is who spread this rumor. Not surprising, since it's this one sect of Christianity that seems to give the whole of Christianity a bad image when it really is the *wrong* sect to believe. I don't consider it my beliefs, either. To get what I call "Christianity", go back even further ... to the time of Jesus. There. You've seen the *real* Christianity ... that which teaches that the poor, meek, humble, etc. are blessed.

Sorry for bringing religion into this, but it sounds like a certain source of this criticism of the Internet. Either that or parents holding a grudge from the Cold War (which is since long over) that could be what's causing these *lies* about the Internet.

Lies they are, and people seem to believe them anyway.

Bottom line:

Many people seem to think that because the Internet is technical it must be bad simply because they have heard stories about atomic bombs during the Cold War
It's these lies that people seem to believe ... and still seem to embrace
Holding a grudge is unhealthy, yet many people from our parents' time seem to not care
They then take it out on us and wonder why we get mad.

What it comes down to is an irrational phobia of technology that stems from the stories about aliens and what not ... And it's those stories that are bogus. If anyone seems to believe these things, what they need is some serious mental readjustment.

Posted 01-29-2011 at 01:28 AM by Kenny_Strawn Kenny_Strawn is offline

Updated 01-29-2011 at 01:28 AM by Kenny_Strawn (Added closing list tag)

	Funny thing about "Christianity" is that it's only defining characteristic is "Jesus died for our sins, we are sorry for them and accept Jesus as our savior" Muslims don't fall in this category because "Jesus" was only the head profit.
	Posted 01-29-2011 at 11:58 AM by lumak

Quote:

Originally Posted by leopard

My Mom thinks that there is an NWO that Obama is going to shoo in and then kill the internet as demons disguised as aliens come down and try to deceive everybody. I am not even joking.

Heh, well in my mom's case, the aliens (or at least most of them) are actually the "good guys". TBH I don't have a problem with the idea of a benevolent extraterrestrial civilization visiting Earth (because, you know, it would be like a turning point in human history

), it's just that I don't see it realistically happening anytime soon...

On top of that, she puts all kinds of "spiritual" connotations to it that just don't make any sense (IMO) in the context of an advanced civilization that for all we know could be thousands, if not millions of years "ahead" of us in technology and culture. I won't expand on them here (I don't want to offend anyone with my rantings about spiritualism/"new age"/etc.), but suffice it to say it gets on my nerves a lot.

leopard, I seriously think we'd make good friends if we lived anywhere near each other...don't take that the wrong way, I'm not trying to seem creepy, it's just that so far it looks like we have quite a bit in common, at least WRT life situation/opinions about things.

Posted 01-29-2011 at 01:38 PM by MrCode MrCode is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrCode

), it's just that I don't see it realistically happening anytime soon...

Yeah, I don't think it's happening soon either. Well, hopefully not. I'd be kinda scared if aliens did actually come. Even if they were benevolent, I'd be leery of them for quite a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrCode

On top of that, she puts all kinds of "spiritual" connotations to it that just don't make any sense (IMO) in the context of an advanced civilization that for all we know could be thousands, if not millions of years "ahead" of us in technology and culture. I won't expand on them here (I don't want to offend anyone with my rantings about spiritualism/"new age"/etc.), but suffice it to say it gets on my nerves a lot.

Yeah it gets on my nerves too. I just don't like conspiracy theories as a whole. Especially negative/dark/bizarre conspiracy theories. I mean, call me ignorant, but I just take things as they are and accept it, trying to be optimistic about things. I like tangible, logical possibilities, not far-fetched enigmas.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrCode

leopard, I seriously think we'd make good friends if we lived anywhere near each other...don't take that the wrong way, I'm not trying to seem creepy, it's just that so far it looks like we have quite a bit in common, at least WRT life situation/opinions about things.

I think so too. Although I'm incredibly shy apart from the internet.

Although I'd probably find it easier to talk to you since have some of my interests, especially computers and Linux.

Oh and by the way, I think the little crying green guy is meaningfully expressive. I think the difference between the regular sad face and the little green is that the little green guy is more of an emotional 'breaking point' whereas the sad guy is more like a general sign of unhappiness or depression.

Posted 01-30-2011 at 06:40 AM by lupusarcanus lupusarcanus is offline

Updated 01-30-2011 at 06:48 AM by lupusarcanus (italicized wrong word)

	I know it's been a while, but this is something I thought you (leopard) might find kinda funny: xkcd on conspiracy theories. ...now mind you, I don't read that webcomic very often anymore (some of the newer ones irritate me ), but I just thought this one fit the topic quite nicely.
	Posted 02-01-2011 at 11:08 PM by MrCode